Geno is a man I know who is incarcerated in the Michigan Department of Corrections.  Geno was paroled in 2015.  I recommended him for Alpha House, which is an excellent and difficult to get into reentry program, but he quickly re-offended and was returned to prison.  He was recently relocated to a new prison facility and was beaten and had his possessions either taken or destroyed.  I helped him with a Securepak (an order of personal items, toiletries, etc.) and he has since taken to asking me for money.  After the latest incidence of this, I responded to him as follows:  

Geno,

I am not going to be hard on you, but I'm not going to send you $20 either. I understand your desire to call your daughter, and I know that this is going to be a great disappointment to you, but after much prayer and careful consideration, I have decided that it is in your best interest to say no. My goal in our relationship is to make you less dependent upon me not more so, and since I did the Securepak for you, it seems that we are out of tune with each other concerning what it is I do. First of all I am retired. I am not involved in any kind of formal ministry anymore, and you are one of only a few men I am still in contact with. This is not some kind of outreach but merely you and I communicating "mano a mano." Secondly, since this is so, my communication to you is that it is best to treat this inability to call your daughter as a form of penance and grow from it spiritually as God would have you do. Make this an opportunity to strengthen your spiritual ties to your daughter through deeper prayer both for her, yourself, and as it regards your relationship to God and hers. In the long run this has a greater and more long lasting benefit than one of those hurried calls with a line behind you and the operator intoning, "one more minute."

Sometimes I must admit that I have to wonder just how effective I am as a communicator. Your spiritual life is like Bigfoot -- I hear a lot about it, but I don't see much evidence of it, as witnessed by this pathetic plea for $20. The first sign I'd like to see of your much reported spiritual growth is that you stop being pathetic. Begging me for money is pathetic, Geno, it really is. And it is 180 degrees counter to the contemplative path I have so far been unsuccessful in leading you down. Why do you settle for slow progress? I'm offering you the key to unlocking your deeper spiritual nature and you seem to be so tied up in all this worldly crap that the reality of this doesn't get through to you. I have no doubt that you love God, and the spiritual path that I keep telling you about, which is available to you for free simply through prayer and meditation, is far more precious than any amount of money I could JPay to your account.

You are not going to accomplish anything except ride the prison merry-go-round until you get it through your head that there is a deep and profound reality to what I am trying to teach you about the Cross of Christ. I heard all about your transformed life before and how changed you were, yatta, yatta, yatta, and I bought in to it to the point where I jeopardized my relationship with Leon Alderman to help get you placed at Alpha House. You are giving me the same line of crap again -- and worse -- and you are already whining about how bad getting placed in Saginaw is going to be. The point is simply that if you were paying attention and not giving your faith lip service but were really buckling down into the monastic kind of lifestyle I am recommending, you would stop whining and you would become the man you keep bullshitting yourself (and me) into thinking you are. And you would succeed in those circumstances even if the MDOC placed you at the gates of hell (and there are parts of Saginaw that come pretty close).

My point is that since you failed at doing reentry the easy way, God's next plan is going to be to make you do it the hard way. And if you go about it with the attitude you have right now, you'll do the same "poor pitiful me" routine and end up wondering how you could "yield to temptation," as you end up shackled in a van on a one-way trip to Jackson. And, given your history, if you screw up again they're likely to keep you for a long, long time.

The disadvantage you have in practicing your Catholic faith in prison is that you don't have regular access to the Sacraments (especially Holy Eucharist) because the Catholic Church, though they give prison ministry the same kind of lip service you give your faith, doesn't really give much of a shit about taking care of their responsibility to you. Yes, I am highly cynical about this, and it is the major reason I retired from formal ministry. But this isn't about me. Because the Church isn't going to minister to you in the way our Lord and our Lady would have it done, then you need to relate directly to them, and do so knowing that they will answer your prayers and be there for you in a way the Catholic Church will not. When you fall into the trap you are in, you respond to the Church's lack of attention by whining about it and it becomes merely another aspect of the prison experience. You think of your faith like it's programming that you can take less seriously, and you start believing if you just go through the motions it will all work out in the end. How did that work out for you last time?

Since the Catholic faith is centered in the Real Presence of Jesus in the Holy Eucharist, and since you have access to our Lord in this most beautiful and meaningful way on only a limited basis, then you have to learn to compensate for this through making a greater effort at prayer and meditation, and by believing with all of your heart that you will establish and maintain a direct and communicative relationship with Him.

"Commune" is the root of communicate, communication and communion. Holy Communion is just what it says; it is communication Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity with Jesus Christ. In the Mass, this communication takes place through the Holy Liturgy in which the Last Supper is invoked as a means of transporting those present to the events of the Cross. The death of Jesus on the Cross is the once and for all sacrifice of the perfect and unblemished Man of God Who takes away our sins, both personal and original, and opens for us the doorway to heaven. The picture I attached to this email demonstrates what happens at Mass and how this works. Each and every Mass is a journey to the Cross at which time and space are suspended, heaven and hell are opened, the devil is defeated, life conquers death and the miracle of salvation takes place: Christ dies and through His broken Body and shed Blood our sins are removed and our life restored and our salvation assured. This is not a reenactment of this event but an actual revisit to the original experience. And God loves us so much that, even in our earthly state of sin, we are able to return to this moment of our salvation over and over and relive it until we shed the bonds of earth, and our mortal remains, so as to be communicated to heaven once and for always.

Now, as you can well imagine, I have heard many others beside you whine about the great injustice of not receiving the Holy Eucharist on a regular basis in prison. Yes, I think the Church should do this better. However, the fact that must not be overlooked is that our Lord is present where you are every bit as much as if you were attending Mass at St. Peter's Basilica in Rome with the Pope presiding. You have to apply yourself and dedicate your spiritual energies in a more direct way, but what do you know? You have the time to do exactly that. The men I know who have really conquered the prison experience, and who have come out into the world and thrived, are those who have dedicated themselves to a monastic and holy lifestyle while incarcerated: a lifestyle in which they have come to know Jesus as intimately as anyone is able to do in the world. In fact, those few who accomplish this are among the most spiritual people I know and the reward is a deeper and more personal relationship with Christ than most are capable of attaining anywhere.

That's what I want for you, Geno. That's what I think you need to make it. I think you need to come out of prison so close to Jesus and so aware of his Real Presence in your life that you live each moment knowing that He is by your side. And, with Christ by your side, you won't be tempted, you won't give in to despair, and you won't fail. And, frankly, I've seen enough of you to this point to believe that doing it any other way means you will. Don't think I'm talking down to you: I admit to you that my life was an utter failure and I was well on my way to eternal despair and destruction when with one simple prayer, Jesus interceded and turned my life around 180 degrees. He reveals Himself to those of us who have screwed up so badly that there is no other way, and the awe found in encountering Jesus in this way is beyond description. That's what I want for you, Geno. That and nothing else because it is what you need and all you need.

Believing in God may be adequate for some people, but for some of us more nasty sinners it just isn't enough. Knowing Jesus Christ personally is, and the place where we meet Him in this way is at the Cross. This is why I keep pointing you in this direction, and when you finally get there I will know it because you will be so transformed you won't be able to hide it. The whining, begging Geno will be gone and in his place will stand the shining disciple of Christ that God created him to be. I am suggesting to you that your life is all for Him or nothing, Geno. You can bullshit yourself, you can bullshit me, and you can bullshit the whole world. You can't bullshit God. He became His own Son and died for you so that you might overcome this mess you've made of your life and live with Him in heaven forever. He is our High Priest and He offers His own Self up for us on the altar of the Cross so that through his broken Body and shed Precious Blood we may live. Zero bullshit in that. And the bonus in this for you is that you have not screwed up so badly -- yet -- that you won't get another chance to succeed in the world. And the only price He asks is that you tell some other poor schlep this deep and saving Truth just as I am telling it to you today.

So here's what I am recommending: Give Jesus your undivided attention for one hour every single day. Once He touches you as I believe He will; once you know the reality of His Presence and His Being, you will find yourself spending every moment you can with Him. Spend this quality time with Jesus at the Cross, for this is where He will teach you the greatest and most wonderful secrets in the universe. Like I told you before, I particularly like to meditate upon John 19: "Mother, behold your son; son behold your mother." This will help you establish and build the personal relationship with His mother (and yours) that He wants you to have. Next to him, you need her the most. Get to know her in this way by praying the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Holy Rosary every day. Make the journey with Jesus to Calvary in the Stations of the Cross. Pray the "Prayer Before a Crucifix" as follows:

Behold, O good and sweetest Jesus,
I cast myself upon my knees in Thy sight,
and with the most fervent desire of my soul
I pray and beseech Thee
to impress upon my heart
lively sentiments of faith,
hope and charity,
with true repentance for my sins
and a most firm desire of amendment.

Whilst with deep affection and grief of soul
I consider within myself
and mentally contemplate
Thy five most precious wounds,
having before mine eyes that which David,
the prophet, long ago spoke concerning Thee,
“They have pierced My hands and My feet,
they have numbered all My bones.”

Mediate upon the nature of the Cross itself. The vertical member is called the stipes and the horizontal member is the patibulum. Jesus hangs where the patibulum intersects the stipes. The stipes points upwards towards heaven and downwards towards hell, or towards eternal life and eternal death. The patibulum at Jesus' right hand points through time, and at His left hand it returns through space. The crucifixion, then, takes place with Jesus suspended between heaven and hell and time and space. Think of a line running from Jesus' right hand in a wide, sweeping arc until it encircles the entire universe and returns to His left hand. This means that the crucifixion encompasses all space in all time, and this is why we can revisit this moment continually and in reality, not symbolically or as an idea. It exists in every moment in every place and all we have to know is how to gain access to it. The Mass is the best way, but it isn't the only way. There's meditation.

Meditation requires deep relaxation and is similar to falling asleep but you do so with conscious control maintained. There is a place, call it the "twilight zone" if you will, that exists between sleeping and waking. It is like dreaming but with the conscious mind still engaged. In this place, we find the Cross and we encounter Jesus and His mother. This is a spiritual place so be very careful and don't wander. Stay focused and stay at the Cross. The devil and his minions cannot approach the Cross and it is a good idea to mediate upon the Cross in the presence of a crucifix or at least with a picture of it present. The Holy Name of Jesus Christ is also a very powerful spiritual weapon. In a vision once, I was led into an old castle and down through a torch lit dungeon-like place by a short, faceless monk in a brown, hooded cassock. At the end of this long passageway, there was a door that had a brilliant light shining underneath it. The monk pulled open the door with an iron ring and the brilliance of the light inside was blinding. I could make out bright shining objects hanging on the walls as far as I could see. The little monk said, "The Catholic Church possess all the weapons known to God and man concerning spiritual warfare." The personal name of our Lord is the most powerful of all.

I don't know how this brief introduction to Catholic Mysticism will resonate with you or if it will at all. If, with a little practice, this doesn't demonstrate to you the pathetic nature of begging me for money, then I have nothing further or worthwhile to communicate to you. If you go this route, you will need further direction and the nature of your questions will reflect your progress. Be very humble in all of this. Jesus does not communicate directly with those who are pious but with those seeking the most to turn away from their own unholiness. This is what He meant when He said that He comes to save the sinner not the righteous. I am a sinner. You are a sinner. That He loves us as He does and wishes to save us is the greatest mystery of them all.

And those who cross our paths are placed there for a reason.

Much to ponder...

Phil